First Hit

[Spike11]

This might not be considered valor but it made me feel good.

My brother and I were testing out his new airsoft course in the back woods by having practice matchs last summer. I never beat him before. He used to be the best. We just played 2 rounds. He beat me in both. I just couldn't shoot him. He would shoot then run to the closest cover. He would always do that until he got close enough to capture me. We were on our third round. He was doing that same crap. I knew that if I kept shooting at him I'd run out of ammo and he could then easily get me before I'd finish reloading. So I would force him to shoot more. I would simply stand up and shoot at him when ever he ran. And since we had the same gun we'd both run out at the same time. He was one hiding spot away from me when we both ran out of ammo. He was loading his whole clip while I took out my empty clip and loaded one bb into my gun. I ran up next to him and yelled "surrender!". He saw my clip wasn't in my gun. So he put his half loaded clip into his gun, stood up and said "I don't think so.", big mistake. Since he resisted I then shot my one bb at him point-blank. I finally beat my big brother. Even though it was a practice match. But he was reminded of it for 2 weeks by a big welt on his left cheek.

[DarkRyderOmega]

I consider that valor. Although, he should have surrendered when you told him to (Since, y'know, they ARE the rules).

[Damo/DK]

nice trick

[Girod]

Cool story. But what gun did were you and your brother using?

[Spike11]

Smith & Wesson Mod4506

[tZ]

interesting story.... However, for future reference please cease the countinution of the same beginning phrase and word(s). Particularly, the "and then he, he and when he". This makes the story rather boring and dull when compared to using transitions and repeating he in different context. It also is somewhat confussing and mind straining. Hence, why i limit myself from this section of forum. Most of it is poorly written stories compositionally and grammitically which tend to lead to headachs if read.....

I mean if your going to post a story don't treat it as a normal "post". When posting a "question/concern/vice versa" the intent is for people to address the above(as most of mia is centered around). However, in storytelling the intent is to "catch" the reader and "interest them". This can't be done with poor grammer and Especially composition. For it is what holds together your story.... even if its not that great.

I didn't mean to sound like an @ss. However, if your going to spend time posting a story why not make it compositionally sound to make it that more successfull in presence and general? It would be like me turning in a art study that i spent 40 hrs on without a mat and correct presentation.... why not go that "extra" step to further enhance it since, you allready spent that much time on it in the begining?- not scolding just some thoughts to consider on future stories.

... but, on the whole interesting

..... on the contrar.... i am conveying a message to you . On the otherhand, you are conveying a story. Emphasis on composition and grammer do not need to be addressed as throughly when conveying a message. In contrast to a story which needs composition and grammer to hold onto, add interest and presence. In addition it helps with grammer skills for future assignments which "require" it.... school, resume, job and vice versa. So its just all around a good thing to do. (yes, i know coming from me silly but, people change). ;D

It may seem silly and unrelevent that i say state all i did. However, untill I started posting and reading this forum i didn't really get the "importance" of all the school bS... at the time. I mean in school you hardly ever see poorly written material in text, its made perfect and what not through publisherers. Besides for that text the only text i saw was my own. Its very hard to be objective when critiqing(to an extent) your work... grammer and what not. Hence, when i entered this forum i started to see a portrayal of composition and grammer skills quite the inverse of school book text. From this i as able able to conclude how "important" this stuff really is. Now as a freshman in college i am able to write and portray thougth text more successfully via my lessons learned. Grammer doesn't only pertain to college.... it pertains more so to everything.... college was just my example since, i can relate more throughly to it then anything else.

I "see" these days a lot of highschool and junior highschool aged beings on this forum. I mean it all doesn't have to be about airsoft.... you can also get something out of this whole "expierience" with a more deeper meaining. Ultimatly, no matter what each time you read a forum post you are learning..... not only airsoft but, grammer and compostion as well.... sad to say- i know!.... but who would of thought. From these making your own conclusive reasoning as to what "skills" seen work best for portraying a message. Then using what you gained to portray your message own with a more successfull end and founation.

However, no one's perfect.... i'm definatly not but, some effort should be put forth into the acknowledgement of correct grammmer and compostion beyond "ordinary" means.... thats all i'm saying. The last thing you want to do is sound like a robot.... but also the last thing you want to do is sound like a "moron"(not saying you sound like a moron0... just stating a point take it as you wish.

When i post a story i will make sure it's compositionally sound for YA!

[Spike11]

nobody proofreads to check for mistakes. And it looks like you don't use it either.

[DarkRyderOmega]

Damn, tZ, you sound just like my Comp 1 teacher . In regards to what tZ's saying: It would just make your story more interesting to read if you typed it as if it was an English paper. Here is a small, entirely made up situation: 1 on 1 with other friend in the summer.

NOT Good
I just got my aeg so me and my friend played a 1 on 1 match for fun. He wasn't being sneaky, so i got him out easy.

The above lacks too many details to be interesting, and more importantly...it would just put me and half of MiA to sleep. Here is a better one

Teh Good
I clutched my MP5A4 and took a deep breath as I crept along the narrow forest path. It was a muggy summer day, and I could feel the moist air on my face. It was hard to keep my goggles from fogging, and I constantly worried that the enemy would take advantage of the situation. I reached the clearing and peered around, looking for my target. No one in sight. I low-crawled another 15 feet to a trench. Without warning a BB wizzed past my head, just missing my 2 inches. I quickly ducked in the trench and prepared to engage the target. I peeked up and instantly spotted the attacker. I quickly formulated a plan and set out. I low-crawled around the enemy until I was about 30 feet to his right. I switched the selector on my MP5 to AUTO and let off a burst of about 7 rounds. My mission was completed.

In my opinion, something like the above would be a much more interesting read. Try making it 'dynamic'. Sound like you're writing a book. Im not trying to flame you, I think its a good story, you should've just put it together better.
tZ:

However, no one's perfect.... i'm definatly not but,

Spike11:

And it looks like you don't use it either.

This should clear it up for you, Spike .

[Spike11]

Thank you Dark. I will do that from now on. Thanks again.

[Enkidu]

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I wrote my own Tale of Valor some time ago very much along the lines of what DarkRyder described as "teh good". Essentially, you have to approach the tale like you were writing a piece of fiction, with careful and compelling descriptions. You don't necessarily have to get as dramatic as mine got, but people will neither finish your tale nor care about it if you don't write it with some measure of skill.

[snip]
Fair enough. Chastisements for another time...
[/snip]

[Spike11]

I just said that because I'm not the only person with bad spelling. But lets forget this grammer your grammer crap, before it becomes a flame war at worst. So lets get on with our lives and airsoft.

[DarkRyderOmega]

No problem, Spike. Thats why MiA exists; to help our fellow Airsofters with their problems...Unless said person is a complete n00b...(Not mentoning names)

What I meant by the above is no one here is a n00b. Im just saying, if the person acts like a n00b, then more than likely, no one will want to help them.

[tZ]

i wasn't stating you were.

Just trying to have you put forth an effort... thats all. Ultimatly, for the the good of story and your self. People respond better (especially moderators) when they can tell effort has been put forth in conveying a message. Also, you will "generally" get resonses more so positive then negative, with better respnse time.... thats all.

- its not a flame war.... i'm not mentioning any names but, my intent wasn't to replicant "those" individuals in my speil. My intent was just to make you aware with out tearing your grammer apart and putting you down while doing so.

However, if i did offend you in anyway then you have my apoligies for doing so.... that wans't my intent.

[camophreak]

inFamous1 said:

interesting story.... However, for future reference please cease the countinution of the same beginning phrase and word(s). Particularly, the "and then he, he and when he". This makes the story rather boring and dull when compared to using transitions and repeating he in different context. It also is somewhat confussing and mind straining. Hence, why i limit myself from this section of forum. Most of it is poorly written stories compositionally and grammitically which tend to lead to headachs if read.....

I mean if your going to post a story don't treat it as a normal "post". When posting a "question/concern/vice versa" the intent is for people to address the above(as most of mia is centered around). However, in storytelling the intent is to "catch" the reader and "interest them". This can't be done with poor grammer and Especially composition. For it is what holds together your story.... even if its not that great.

I didn't mean to sound like an @ss. However, if your going to spend time posting a story why not make it compositionally sound to make it that more successfull in presence and general? It would be like me turning in a art study that i spent 40 hrs on without a mat and correct presentation.... why not go that "extra" step to further enhance it since, you allready spent that much time on it in the begining?- not scolding just some thoughts to consider on future stories.

... but, on the whole interesting

..... on the contrar.... i am conveying a message to you . On the otherhand, you are conveying a story. Emphasis on composition and grammer do not need to be addressed as throughly when conveying a message. In contrast to a story which needs composition and grammer to hold onto, add interest and presence. In addition it helps with grammer skills for future assignments which "require" it.... school, resume, job and vice versa. So its just all around a good thing to do. (yes, i know coming from me silly but, people change). ;D

It may seem silly and unrelevent that i say state all i did. However, untill I started posting and reading this forum i didn't really get the "importance" of all the school bS... at the time. I mean in school you hardly ever see poorly written material in text, its made perfect and what not through publisherers. Besides for that text the only text i saw was my own. Its very hard to be objective when critiqing(to an extent) your work... grammer and what not. Hence, when i entered this forum i started to see a portrayal of composition and grammer skills quite the inverse of school book text. From this i as able able to conclude how "important" this stuff really is. Now as a freshman in college i am able to write and portray thougth text more successfully via my lessons learned. Grammer doesn't only pertain to college.... it pertains more so to everything.... college was just my example since, i can relate more throughly to it then anything else.

I "see" these days a lot of highschool and junior highschool aged beings on this forum. I mean it all doesn't have to be about airsoft.... you can also get something out of this whole "expierience" with a more deeper meaining. Ultimatly, no matter what each time you read a forum post you are learning..... not only airsoft but, grammer and compostion as well.... sad to say- i know!.... but who would of thought. From these making your own conclusive reasoning as to what "skills" seen work best for portraying a message. Then using what you gained to portray your message own with a more successfull end and founation.

However, no one's perfect.... i'm definatly not but, some effort should be put forth into the acknowledgement of correct grammmer and compostion beyond "ordinary" means.... thats all i'm saying. The last thing you want to do is sound like a robot.... but also the last thing you want to do is sound like a "moron"(not saying you sound like a moron0... just stating a point take it as you wish.

When i post a story i will make sure it's compositionally sound for YA!

you have the nerve to say HIS story was boring??
YAWN..getta life dude!

-cp

[Munin]

Camophreak, could you kindly not resurrect a month old thread, quote it in its entirety, and add a two-line insult to the bottom? Thanks.